19 Years and 7 months
Isn’t it funny?
The idea of love fascinates humans.
Love redefines joy.
Its end redefines pain.
…Isn’t it marvelous?
Maybe that’s why it fascinates you as well.
This inexplicable phenomenon they try to explain as a byproduct of their need to procreate.
But somehow they accept that we, the divine, must be able to love as well.
They have faith—faith—that even He loves them.
When was the last time that He put his loins into anyone?
Some of them say it’s more of a mystical occurrence of their human experience.
A little spark of magic and beyond in their minuscule presence in the endless time and space.
But why invite such vulnerability to their already fragile existence?
I find it all very amusing, Beelzebub.
And I find it very potent.
There is truly a before and an after to humans when it comes to their first true love and the first heartbreak.
Something they wish they’d never experience, and yet, something so profound that those who haven’t experienced it are at a sincere loss of what it means to be human.
Even their foulest have a moment of innocence when it comes to their first heartbreak.
And it is there—yes, there—where all of them can truly realize that life is unfair.
A reality check.
There. Is. No. Magic.
‘Irreversible’ is real.
‘Impossible’ is real.
Something so beautiful is fleetingly ephemeral and yet its damages so eternal.
Not everyone will be involved in heinous violence like rape, murder, or war.
Not everyone will experience detrimental deprivations of neglect, starvation, or incapacity.
All of the other devastating, palpable consequences of free will.
But nearly all of them will experience their fellow human’s freedom to give their hearts and take it away.
“Am I wrong, Beezebub?” Suzie softly asked with a moist voice.
To walk away from the road the two had paved together.
Falling into the pit of desperate denial that everything they had wasn’t meaningless.
“I should just let him go, right?”
But how could the road have meant anything if the destination itself disappeared?
Everything they’ve been working towards.
All they’ve been through.
Beelzebub stared out the window of Suzie’s apartment. Neglecting to acknowledge his brother’s words from beyond. Suzie’s roommates were out for the night. As if in a scene of a movie, it was pouring rain.
“Beelzebub,” Suzie sobbed sitting on her bed. “I wish… I wish… I never met him.”
He had seen her cry before. But never like this. Thick droplets of tears poured out of her eyes. Each droplets draining her.
There are mothers who’ve watched their children die.
Men who stared at their friends as they were drawing their last breaths.
A young woman experiencing heartbreak wasn’t something even close to being comparable.
“I…” Suzie choked on her words.
But the voice of his brother had a point. It was all too common. All too relatable. Palpable.
Never like this.
She’s never been like this.
Beelzebub let out a deep sigh.
Don’t deny of me this Beelzebub.
She’s mine as much as she is yours.
“…I love him,” Suzie confessed. “But I’m scared”
Don’t deny yourself of this.
“He messed up and I… I fucked up too. I feel like if I don’t stop him now… We won’t ever be okay. But… but… what if I lay it all out after what he’s done and he’s not worth it? What if we fight to make this work and it’s all just meaningless? Like, mom and dad?”
I know what you’re thinking you want to tell her.
She’s too young to know what real love is in the real world.
And she’s young enough to find someone else.
Someone she doesn’t have this kind of history with.
This kind of tarnish.
“You’re worried that you’ll end up like your mom and dad?” Beelzebub asked without turning away from the window.
But let her pursue.
“I’m worried that I’m ripping my own heart apart over something I can just move on from!”
She’ll fail like most of them do.
And then we can show her the path. The right path.
“I can move on right?” Suzie asked. “This’ll just be another thing that happened in my life in a month. Maybe a year.”
Don’t. Let. This. Opportunity. Go.
“You’re right. You’re young,” Beelzebub told Suzie. “Your life hasn’t even begun yet. You’ll probably get over this.”
“Yeah,” Suzie seemed to understand what Beelzebub wanted to say. “Yeah.”
“There’ll probably be other guys. Other loves. Plenty of time for all that,” Beelzebub turned around and faced Suzie.
“So what’s there to lose?” Beelzebub smiled.
Instantaneously, Suzie darted out of her room. Ran down the stairs of her apartment. Like the movies, it was raining. And like the movies, she saw him standing in the rain unable to leave for the same reasons she was now standing behind him.
“Jay,” Suzie carefully called out his name.
She worried that perhaps the rain drowned out her voice and he’d walk away.
“Suzie,” He turned around in surprise. She was there getting more drenched by the second. His mind and emotions in too much of a chaos to express how happy and surprised he was to see her.
Suzie searched for words. Anger and doubt still lingered for a moment that felt like it was made of thin glass.
“I love you,” He interrupted her. “I love you. And I… I want to make this work. I’m sorry. And I… I don’t want to be without you.”
The devil watched from Suzie’s room as she ran towards the young man to embrace him. They held each other in the rain under the street lamps. The world around them had stopped existing a long ago.
It was too much like the movies.
People were allowed to have their movie moment.
A magical moment they’ll cherish. A near fantasy others may not believe. But the magic they’ll always have them believing in something beyond what’s there.
Because they were witnesses to it.
They’re the evidence of it.
And because it makes life just a little more than what it is.
The devil had disappeared by the time the two young lovers returned.
“You did that?” Binkle asked Beelzebub in surprise as he handed Satan his bottle of dark lager.
“Why?” Satan questioned Beelzebub.
Satan decided to visit Beelzebub at The Center, Beelzebub’s bar in Hell, after their incident earlier with Suzie. He took the form of what a scotch whiskey and a dark lager would look like as a man from the 80s. The gruff man gave a piercing stare as he analyzed his brother.
“Why? Why? I did what I wanted and it happened to also be what you wanted. You know what you get when you complain even after getting what you want?” Beelzebub took a sip of his drink. Today was a drink that’s equal parts vodka, triple sec, and lime juice. It had a name that was perhaps a bit too on the nose for today’s occasion.
“You get to be Daddy’s least favorite. He’s always hated you.”
“Whatever the case,” Satan stood and raised his bottle. “Here’s to the young lovers. For its blossoming spring and its eventual winter.”
“Seriously. He’s always hated you,” Beelzebub raised his glass. “Y’know, for being a creep.”
Satan finished his bottle in one quick chug.
“And I’ve always found you painfully weak,” Satan placed the empty bottle on the table and the money to pay for it. “Painfully weak and unpleasurable. I’m sure you saw as I did what will happen. You did what’s coming to her as much as I. But don’t fret. It’ll all be for the best. Though I suppose I’m a bit confounded on exactly why you’re being more… nettlesome… than usual.”
“Oh, is it not obvious?” Beelzebub looked surprised. “It’s because of you. Hearing your voice makes me want to pray. Seeing you makes me want to get on my knees and tell Pops that I’m sorry. You’re welcome to free me of this misery at any time.”
Satan smiled. He gave a nod to Binkle, put on his hat, and whistled as he exited the bar.
“I’m surprised you let Satan have his way,” Binkle spoke soon as the door closed behind Satan.
“Love is a beautiful thing while it lasts,” Beelzebub answered as he continued to sip on his drink.
“I’m certain Satan foresaw something in the girl’s future where having this boy in her life will hurt her. Did you see otherwise?”
Beelzebub shook his head.
A person’s future was an uncertain thing. It’s a messy grid full of knots and every direction that only became more of a disarray as the person grew older. But certain choices have fewer detours and pathways than others. And some lead to dead ends.
“Oh,” Binkle froze for a moment. Caught by a surprise to his boss’s response though he was uncertain why. His boss was simply doing his duty.
“Alright then. I guess I should be expecting to see her here sometime,” Binkle smiled as he went on to make drinks for his other customers.
“Perhaps,” Beelzebub finished his cocktail. He stared at his empty glass. He remembered the rain. Not even all the raindrops he had seen this evening would amount to the souls he had seen come and go.
Who could possibly care for them all?
It took a long time to post this.
As always, I apologize for the delay.
The greatest concern with this chapter was regarding if it did appropriate enough job building momentum for the next chapter–the final chapter.
And I guess it’s there, in the final chapter, where I’ll actually discuss my thoughts on finishing this little what-was-supposed-to-be-a-simple-fun-side-project and what the actual process ended up being like.
Thank you always for reading.
See you all next time.
It’ll be sooner than later.
I know I always say that.
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